Immigration Nightmare

Half an hour ago, I received a frightened text message from a close friend. It was two lines long, and read, “”Help! X is being held in immigration detention Chicago!”

My friends have been partners for ten years. One is American, the other is English. But for the admirable length of their relationship, they have suffered under the yoke of our country’s broken immigration system. Much is written, and little done to reform this little-known travesty in an otherwise free society. Like so much in our civilization that is not civilized, injustice lurks in places few of us ever think to look. How many of us can claim to truly understand the terror and hopelessness of having a loved one imprisoned on nameless accounts? My friend’s partner had with him all the proper documentation. He had his passport, and his papers showing that he lived and worked in England. He had proof that his trip to the United States was just that: a trip. Yet, as he made way for his connecting flight in Chicago, these things were ignored and he was escorted to a room where he was made to wait without any line to the outside world. His passport was confiscated and his papers seized. At this point, let it again be said and heard that my friend was merely en route to Colorado to spend time with his partner of ten years. By fault of yet another blemish on our nation’s conscience–the Defense of Marriage Act–as a same-sex couple, my friends are unable to wed. Owing to that law, for the last ten years, each time X comes to visit, they relive the fear that he will be detained by immigration authorities. Has our country gone mad that we allow such things to take place?   

And what does one do when one has no one to call, no friends in high places? One waits, perhaps indefinitely, before being deported. Imagine all of this happening, simply from a desire to spend time with one’s family! It’s beyond shameful.

I am so happy that my friend contacted me when this happened. I was able to bring it to the attention of my partner, whose special interest is immigration reform. As a Congressman, he has more clout in these circumstances than the average citizen, and within seconds, preparations were made to solve the problem. But I am sensitive to those who, as I said, have no connection within the system of government that seizes them. They have no one on whom to depend.

After speaking with my friend, he told me that after this experience, X no longer feels that he can make the trip to the United States. The stress is too much. And because of these foolish laws that help no one, my friend must now consider either ending his relationship of ten years or else leaving the United States to be with his partner in England. Our country is tearing apart families. It’s a tragedy that deserves our utmost sensitivity, our unconditional compassion, and our adamance that this system be changed.

CNN

Hello, Friends,

Last week, I was lucky enough to participate in a special CNN profile of Congressional Spouses. I carried a camera around for all my daily routines and learned that it is no easy thing, talking about oneself on cue! Nevertheless, this was an important opportunity and one that I hope you find worthwhile. Without further ado, I present “A Day in the Life of a Congressional Spouse”:

www.cnn.com/video/#/video/politics/2009/10/14/freshman.year.ep18.cnn

Unseen

Think of all that we do not see in the inner workings of civilization. Untold numbers of operations underly the simplest of modern comforts. And the things we take for granted, are the same in whose absence, we would complain bitterly of living as if it were the dark ages. 

A toilet flushes, transporting into oblivion the objects of our distaste. Garbage disposals pulse and draw down our discards. Fumes emit profusely from our vehicles, and wisp into thin air. Crops are dusted and doused, and our apples seem to redden with the effort. Somehow, the food we eat appears neatly packaged on grocery shelves. But how is all this accomplished? Who is the wizard behind the curtain?

It seems a necessary concession to living in a civilized society, that we remain ignorant of its most basic mechanics. Think of what we condone simply by not knowing or not looking. For example, suppose that instead of disappearing into the vast dome of the sky, the fumes produced by your car somehow ended up in your house, where you live and eat and sleep. Would anyone still drive if, in so doing, they stood personally to suffer the consequences? Likewise, would we think differently of what we flushed down our toilets if we were the ones on the receiving end who had to clean it up? Would we eat differently if we knew how most of our food is produced?

And what are the consequences of ignorance? As my father always tells me, “you pay in this world for what you don’t know.” So blithely, we chatter away on our cell phones, not knowing whether they are carcinogenic. We eat food said to be FDA-approved, yet most of us have never bothered to visit the FDA and to discover what their licensing authority requires of manufacturers. We gulp down vast quantities of pills so that we can be productive citizens, never coming to grips with the fact that we are born entirely capable, and over-medicating only creates problems where there be no problems. 

There is so much that we do not know, that by disassociation, we nevertheless come to accept. Frankly, it frightens me how detached most people are from the act of living. Most simply resign themselves to doing whatever is best marketed to them. Sadder still is the fact that life itself has ceased to be appealing on the strength of its own merits, people requiring drugs of all kinds to make it worthwhile. They watch movies because simply looking out one’s window is no longer sufficiently thrilling. A flower is no longer miraculous. A cloud that pours out rain no longer amazes. It is not enough to eat vegetables and fruits, and to drink water; we must modify everything for it to be palatable. I’ve met people who will not touch a vegetable! Imagine that! It’s a good thing they don’t live in prehistoric times when vegetables were the only game in town. 

So, where does all this leave us? We need desperately to get in touch with the decisions we make. If, by our resolutions, we also come to grips with their outcomes, then rightfully, we can claim to have done our due diligence. But right now, we make too many choices for which we are never made accountable. Someone, somewhere deals with the byproducts of our living. Who are they? Where do they work? These are the questions we must ask if we are to become a better people.

Expressiveness

It never ceases to amaze me just how inexpressive most people can be. It is one thing to be passionate, still another to be stoic, but to be entirely without a feeling response seems inhuman and totally non-animalistic. The human brain is hard-wired to respond in an emotional way. To whatever degree we have lost that tendency, it must be ascribed to cultural conditioning. It simply is not an animal response to encounter something provocative without feeling something. And yet, so many idolize stoicism that our culture would be led to believe that emotions are no more than imperfections in the code. When they arise, it is mortifying and entirely unrefined. Whatever.

It never fails to depress me, especially when I am excited about something and fully expecting my friends to share in that excitement, that instead, I am met with impassivity. And this goes beyond the question of sexual orientation, in which it is often mistaken that real men express nothing. No, people in general express very little, even when feeling nearly overwhelms them. Ah, there’s the conundrum. To be overwhelmed! To try and fail at battening down ones emotions! We have them, but we ignore them. Then, in private, we express them hysterically because we spent so much energy in stifling them. It is unhealthy not to ackowledge that which is perfectly obvious to one’s heart.

What a lot of good it does to lack joyful accomplices in that moment of ones greatest joy! It feels awful to be alone; to feel secretly ebullient over something that most consider trifling, or to feel despondent on one’s own. These are tragedies, and yet we sustain them as if it were in our nature to ignore that which is powerful and passionate.

In a larger context, who really lives that does not perceive life to be a grand and wonderous adventure? The unexpected waits around every corner. How, then, can one go uninspired with so much that is surprising? It is a lie when, in the presence of good news or terrible news, a person simply shrugs. It is a lie to be composed in desperate situations. 

One of my regrets for the human race is that petty complaints occupy so much of our time. It’s a recurring bill; a car that will not start; weeks of exercise that do not end in fitness; a birthday planned special, but ended in disappointment; a trip rich with expectations, instead ending quietly. I think people miss out on the things they could enjoy, because they are too preoccupied with what is dismal, with what has failed, or what never came to be.

I suppose this post is yet another exhortation to live in the moment; to be appreciative for what we do have; to not waste time lamenting the things that never worked out, because time is fleeting, and all we have to count upon is in our hands. If you have strong emotions, express them now. Don’t wait, lest they fall on deaf ears.

Disturbing

Friends!

I know it’s been some time since I last wrote anything “official”. Unfortunately, I’ll have to end that happy run today…

A few weeks ago, I lost my wallet! It was a true nightmare. Over the course of days and evenings, I called every number from Yellow Cab to Denver International Airport. I even contacted the Boulder and Denver Police Departments, but nothing was found. Most frustrating of all, I had in my hand a credit card receipt from the taxi that I took back to Boulder, but no one would lay claim to the ID number clearly penned on the paper. It was as if a phantom taxi had transported me that evening. 

Alas, the process of attempting to track down lost items spoke poorly of all involved. Denver International Airport rarely answers the phone at Lost and Found. United Airlines does not even allow you the comfort of speaking to a person, but a message machine! And of all, most deplorable is Denver Yellow Cab. These people come on shift, then disappear into the vapor. The dispatchers are no more able to contact them off-duty than I am!

I might easily have gotten over the loss of my credit cards, but what really struck me was the loss of my Congressional Spouse ID. With it, I lost a historical document  : the first-ever “Spouse” ID card issued to a same-sex partner. Both Tammy Baldwin’s partner and Barney Frank’s partner carry IDs that refer to them as “Congressional Designees”. That I was issued one with the appropriate title spoke volumes about the change happening in our country.

Well, apparently, it was a sham…

I requested my partner’s Chief of Staff go about obtaining me a new ID today, and when he called the Sergeant at Arms, they informed him that I would be issued a new ID with only a “Designee” status; that the original “Spouse” designation was a mistake! I am beyond incensed, and I fully intend to fight them on this. It’s absurd that in seven short months, such a demotion can take place. I am discouraged by our government’s lack of inclusion. Once again, a simple accident underscores a series case of prejudice in our Federal government.