Good day, friends! And isn’t it sublime? I’ve returned to fair Boulder after five longsome weeks in Washington, D.C. Of course, that city of only twelve hours ago, lays now in blazes of Spring Breakers and Cherry Blossoms, in warm Spring breezes, and fortunes of sunshine. I make no doubt of the spectacular climes I left behind. And already, I give myself joys in musing my repair to the city that is a district unto itself.
But for now, Boulder, and the countless things I miss when I am away. For those, I reserve a special post, which I will compose in only a few days hence.
In the meantime, I am quaking to relate the experiences of my education! You didn’t know? But of course you did! Yours truly has been to school! He returned, who in days now long entombed, felt the unforgiving yoke, in a land ruled by four inquisitorial judges, by names A, B, C, and D. In those days long ago, he toiled away by the sparest of lights, and struggled to lodge his mind open, that the secrets of books might make their ingress.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: He must bear great guilt, this chap who saw fit to suffer old pangs. But suffer he did not, in his quest to be certified a tour guide of the United States Capitol! In fact, he rather enjoyed his return to schooling. It made him feel young and capable. His mind seemed to waken with the force of a meteor collision, and the dust of habit went wailing from its settlements!
Most importantly, he knew that at the end of two days, the black-robed judge would proffer gifts of official pins, certificates, and letters of commendations.
Now the student stands before you, and his motions are yet grander than when last you encountered him! He is ready to take you by the hand, and lead you abroad, and to nourish you on trivia, which you may mistake for sugar! Only these delectables won’t give you cavities, unless it is a cavity to be filled in the vault of your brain, by yet another tantalizing fact!
Truly, friends, the Capitol is a wonderful symbol of our Democracy, and the keeper of many things awe-inspiring, yet little-known to the cheerful passersby. It is I who can show you the way!
